Monday, July 12, 2010

Ready, Steady, Slow!

by Vicky Hill

Okay folks, so this is my second time posting about me – obit writer extraordinaire for the Gipping Gazette. I’ve read many of my kindred Killer Characters' blogs and have felt a bit awkward, actually. You see, as the daughter of The Fog, it’s very hard for me to tell you about myself. Call me cautious, but there is just too much at stake.

I’m paranoid about the boys-in-blue discovering who I really am and inadvertently leading you to Mum and Dad’s hiding place in Spain—blast!—didn’t mean to say that. See what I mean? I just never know when the wrong information might just slip out.

That’s why living in the wilds of Devon in southwest England is the best place for me and honestly—even though there’s not been a murder for a few weeks—it’s not that boring. There’s plenty of drama going on. Take my strange friend Topaz Potter aka Lady Ethel Turberville-Spat. True, she inherited The Grange, a dilapidated stately home, but to me she’ll always be Topaz, waitress at the Copper Kettle cafĂ© and, last week, someone who nearly put snails on the menu. In case you didn’t already know, it’s snail-racing season in Gipping-on-Plym so suggesting eager fans might be partial to escargots bourguignon would have been disastrous.

Snail racing has been gaining in popularity—almost as much as hedge jumping. Check out www.snailracing.net. The former even appeared on the TV show, “Britain’s Got Talent”—although I believe Simon Cowell was more than a little bored. With Archie still holding the title as the fastest snail ever, covering a 13-inch course in 2 minutes, it takes a certain type of spectator to really stick with the sport.

Blast! I’ve just got a phone call saying a rather large cat-like creature rumored to be the Beast of Bodmin has been wreaking havoc in Honeysuckle Lane. So much for my evening plans drinking Scrumpy at The Three Tuns with Olympic hedge-jumping hopeful, Dave Randall.

A journalist never sleeps.

17 comments:

  1. Glad to hear there's something besides murder going on in Devon! :) Sounds like this cat-like creature might be stirring up some trouble, though. Good luck with your story!

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  2. Snail racing! How fun. I'm always fascinated by those types of races (pigs, hamsters, turtles) and how people get so excited.

    Ever the romantic, I hope you can find some time with Dave soon, Vicky!

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  3. The Beast of Bodmin, Vicky? Horrors! When it shows up, doesn't that mean someone will die?Take that hedge-jumping hero with you. You may need his expertise.

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  4. What a hoot! I have got to read more of these stories.

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  5. Spain, huh? No worries, your secret's safe with me. You're pretty awesome, Vicky.

    Paige

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  6. Hi Vicky,

    Family is always a challenge. At least none of mine are on the lam--at least not currently.

    Skye

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  7. you're parents whereabouts are safe with me.

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  8. Vicky says ... Phew ... thanks so much everyone - and yes, if all goes well, there could be another murder on the horizon.
    Someone told me there is armadillo racing in the USA. Is that true?

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  9. Hope you get your scoop on the Beast of Bodmin, Vicky.

    I love your obits - no one does 'em like you! And we sure could use you in Woodbridge - our media is in need of a boost.

    Charlotte Adams

    Closet Confidential: a Charlotte Adams mystery

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  10. Scrumpy? Is that some kind of special snail-racing drink, like Mint Juleps are to the Kentucky Derby?

    ~ Krista
    Domestic Diva Mysteries

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  11. Oh, Vicky, you do lead an exciting life!!! ~Avery

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  12. Wow. You've rendered me speechless ... which is quite a feat. :)

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  13. Susan finished reading the flock EXPOSE. She is a bit cranky these days and we think life around here will be less than calm until she gets MORE VICKY.

    Susan says trying to follow your train of thought is rather like trying to have a conversation with a Cuisinart, which is her nickname for your 'brain'. Heard her mutter just the other day "wish she would slow down speed on her 'beaters' as its difficult when she goes from 'stir' to 'whip into peaks' without making a stop a 'mix'." Then Susan wondered, out loud which is why we can share all this with you, if Cuisinarts got whiplash? Flock voted NO.

    Flock eagerly awaiting next Vicky and neither can Esme and I. While Susan reads aloud at bedtime flock is 'bleat-less'. Heavenly!
    Ellis/Esme and entire flock

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  14. Scrumpy? What kind of drink is that? I don't know why, but it sounds like it might have bacon in it.

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  15. Vicky---If you need help scaring off the cat creature, I'll let you borrow my two dogs----Border Collie, Katie, & Blue Tick Hound, Max. Max is from "serious" hunting dog stock, so I guarantee he'd tree that cat creature, even if it has two legs instead of four.

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  16. It sounds like you have a round a TON of good material in southwest England. The perfect spot for a journalist. Can't wait to hear more about your adventures. I'm married to a Brit from Yorkshire. It took some time but I finally got him to stop saying "shedd-ule." Oh, and "dual carriageway."

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  17. Morning all - Vicky tells me she was off on some secret assignment on Dartmoor but she's back in the office and would like to thank the Flock for reading Expose - do sheep eat snails, I wonder?

    Betty - ha! Love the comment about bacon - but no, it's made of apples. If you take a look on Hannah's website under "The Setting" (not very clever, I agree) there are some photos of some farmers making Scrumpy!

    Maggie -- the problem is, I'm very scared of dogs -especially guard dogs ... I'm sure if I didn't have a silver thief as a father I'd like them.

    Mary - I LOVE Yorkshire. Ha ha ... yes! skedule ...

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