Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Survival tips from one who knows

Submitted by Fiona Silk from Mary Jane Maffini's West Quebec comic capers

My name is Fiona Silk and I live and write in St. Aubaine, Quebec, a village of 2,500 nosy souls (English and French and the odd Irish import) on the banks of the scenic Gatineau River. Lately things have not been going my way, so this will be a nice distraction for me. I am glad to be here on Killer Characters, but I must say I was a bit worried about what to say. But I’ve been told to write what I know, so I’ll just give a few tips that I’ve learned the hard way. However, before I say anything else, I want you to know none of what happened in those books was my fault.

Here are few tips for you:

If you have no sex life, you may not be well-equipped to write romances. Try something more likely to pay off for you, say, prospecting for gold.

Remember ‘dead’ is a four-letter word.

Therefore, try not to discover any of your old lovers in your four-poster, naked and nevermore.

Your neighbors in small towns will know everything about you. Consider moving to a large city in a country where they don’t speak English or French.

Do not send your ex-husband-to-be (Phil or whatever his name is) a change of address card.

Some people were not intended to cook. Nuff said.

When things catch fire, I should not be the first person people point fingers at. My friend’s kitchen was covered by insurance and my house can definitely be rebuilt.

There’s nothing like a friend when you are in trouble. I don’t know where I would be without Dr. Liz Prentiss, Hélène Lamontagne (even if her husband Jean-Claude is a total viper), Woody Quirke and the most amazing Josey Thring. It’s worth taking a few verbal arrows to have them in my life. Ouch.

The police officer is not your friend, no matter what they told you in Kindergarten. Especially true if his name is Sgt. F.X. Sarrazin. Some people are born unreasonably suspicious.

If you fall in love that doesn’t necessarily mean something bad will happen to that person. I want to believe that is true and I hope that the wonderful poet and mechanic Marc-André Paradis will make it through this tough time. He has to. I don’t know what I’ll do otherwise.

Feel free to give me some advice in return. I sure could use it. And if you’d like to visit me, I’m in Lament for a Lounge Lizard and Too Hot to Handle. Love to see you! Oh, and more information over at www.maryjanemaffini.com where my author is lying in wait for you.


  1. Fiona, thank you for the survival tips. I'm *convinced* that none of the disasters and catastrophes could possibly have been your fault.

  2. So wonderful to hear from you Fiona! I'll keep your tips in mind although I'm hoping none of them will come in handy. I do enjoy your adventures, if if you might not. My tip to you-- when all else fails, have another drink.

  3. Tip # whatever... never tell someone in public "I wish you were dead."

  4. Well, thank you friends. This is very useful and/or soothing. I may have that drink. The sun is over the yardarm somewhere.


  5. Fiona, I'm completely on your side, my dear. I'm one of those people who weren't intended to cook. Thought I could make a felafel and ended up with a blazing fire in the kitchen. And that definitely wasn't my fault.

  6. What terrific advice. I'm concerned about moving to a village where they don't speak English or French, though. I rather suspect that even if they speak Ukrainian or German, your neighbors will still know everything about you!

    ~ Krista

  7. Note to Fiona: do not attempt felafel. Thanks Dorothy. And Krista. I hadn't thought of that. So probably nowhere on the planet is safe as I am not a city girl. I suppose you have saved Fiona a move.