Wednesday, October 12, 2011
All Shook Up
by Scottie Phillips, from Killer Sweet Tooth - Gayle Trent
Well, hey, there, everybody. Thank y’all for having me come here and introduce myself. You see, I’m a missionary. My group—the Elvis Impersonators’ Evangelical Interdenominational Outreach, or EIEIO—is having its annual retreat in Brea Ridge, Virginia. The retreat is where we enjoy a little down time and make plans for the coming fiscal year. We always have a big party, too—that’s the best part: music, dancing, and a lot of fantastic food.
I’d heard about this little confectionery darlin’ that makes some killer cakes. Lo and behold, I’m driving by her house our first morning in town, see the sign in the yard—Daphne’s Delectable Cakes—and the cupcake herself is pulling into the driveway. Well, I whip in right behind her. Let me tell you, that girl was all shook up. She and her wild friend, Myra—this crazy chick who thinks she’s Ann-Margret—had been at the jailhouse all night. And they weren’t doing a jailhouse rock—they’d been accused of killing a dentist! Poor Daphne thought she was hallucinating when she saw me get out of my pink Cadillac convertible.
I’ll tell you the truth—that Daphne sure enough took my breath away. I could love her tender big time. Only trouble is, this guy Ben is always hanging around like a sparkly jumpsuit you can’t fit into anymore—it’s always there in the closet reminding you of what you can’t have. You can’t throw that thing away, though, because then you’d have no hope—the jumpsuit, I mean, not this guy Ben. I’d toss him out on his butt in a heartbeat if I could.
But I’m only in town a week, and I’m gonna make a play for Daphne. Wouldn’t you? I mean, if you met somebody that could be the love of your life and you only had a week to make sure, what would you do?