by Aunt Faye
for The Domestic Diva Mysteries
by Krista Davis
It's not easy being a ghost. Oh sure, you think we just hang around, doing what we want -- like a long term retirement gig. The truth is that we care about people who are still in the earthly realm.
I live in my old house. I love this place, always did. It was built in 1825 and saw a lot of historical moments in Old Town Alexandria, Virginia. The Civil War, for instance. The inhabitants back then witnessed troops gathering nearby. They lived here when that cool building down by the river was being used as a hospital. Must have been terrible times.
My nephew, Mars, and his former wife, Sophie, inherited the place from me. They were married at the time, of course. I'm Faye, and I loved to entertain. Wow, but this house saw some great times -- parties, and elegant dinners, and family celebrations. I expanded the living room and dining room to accommodate my entertaining needs and they still look great, if I say so myself.
Sophie wound up with the house in the divorce, which was actually a good thing. If Mars had kept it, that obnoxious woman, Natasha, would have ruined my beautiful home by now. She covets it, but if she ever comes close to moving in, I swear I'll start dragging chains and moaning. It's not beneath me to do that, you know.
Sophie likes to use my old china and crystal, and entertains her friends all the time. I do miss that, so I hang around a bit. You'd be surprised what I hear! Sophie updated the kitchen, but I don't blame her for that. Those orange countertops and that flower power wallpaper seemed so cool in the 70's. What was I thinking?
She kept the best parts -- the beamed ceiling and the original fireplace in the kitchen. And, bless that girl, she hung a portrait of me over the mantel. It's one I like, too. I'm wearing a green wrap that's falling off my bare shoulder. I never was a beauty, but I had my sexy moments and enough admirers to keep me happy.
So why am I complaining? You're forgetting about Halloween. This is partly my own fault, I'll admit. You see, the other ghosts in the house minded their manners and never bothered me or made their presence known when I lived in the earthly realm. Sure, every once in a while one of them would flick on a light or rock a chair, but it was little stuff. So every Halloween, at midnight, when the divide between the spirit world and the earthly realm can be most easily penetrated, I always had a party and a séance.
What I didn't realize then, is how irritating a séance can be for the spirits. I found out, though, when my darling sister, June, and Sophie's niece cooked up a séance because I used to do that! A medium named Madame Poisson was invited to Jen's Halloween birthday celebration. What a fraud! She never saw a ghost in her life. She made up some story about a woman who lived in the house in the 1800's but goofed when she placed her in the living room that I built in the 1970's. Hah! We had a good chuckle about that over on the spirit side.
All that irritating "speak to me" and pretending to thank us when no one said anything. And the "knock once for yes and twice for no." Good grief. We can do better than that. I was tempted to grab her shoulder, but I'm really not that malicious. She's lucky some of the angry spirits weren't present.
So my spirit friends and I banded together and appeared to that Madame Poisson -- just to keep Jen's birthday party fun, you understand. Freaked . . . her . . . out! Best laugh we've had in ages. All right, she did leave on a stretcher, but that wasn't our fault. Really.
You can read more about it in THE DIVA HAUNTS THE HOUSE. And this Halloween, at midnight, when the barriers to the earthly realm are easy to penetrate, be careful who you call. You never know what kind of spirit might be lurking around. Whahahahaha!