Monday, November 14, 2011

Once is Enough

Mary, library assistant at the Mayville Heights Free Public Library, wrote this post. You can read more about Mary in the Magical Cat Mysteries by Sophie Kelly.

Just because I’m a grandmother doesn’t mean I have to spend all my time in the kitchen in a ruffled apron and sensible shoes—although people do say I make the best apple pie in Mayville Heights. I’ve been told my pies are one of the highlights of the Winterfest supper. I tell everyone it’s because I bake them with love, but the real secret is the all-butter crust.

I’m also a darn fine kick-boxer. Yes, kick-boxer—state champion in my age and weight class. It always seems to shock people when they hear that. Then I get a condescending little smile. The condescension goes away once someone sees me fight.

All right, I admit I started the sport by accident. I was at the library looking for a book on box making and I wasn’t wearing my glasses. I’d forgotten them. It wasn’t vanity on my part.

So, I’m in good shape for the shape I’m in and why shouldn’t I enjoy my womanliness? I’m not suggesting doing anything tacky or crass like taking off all my clothes in public. I am someone’s grandmother after all. But I’ve always wanted to dance on stage and when I heard The Brick was having an amateur night, a little voice in my head urged, “Do it!”

Yes, I know what kind of a nightclub The Brick is, and I won’t be shaking my ta-ta’s in public. I have a gorgeous black corset, fishnets, heels, and a harlequin feather-trimmed mask and it’s all staying put.

As Mae West liked to say—if you don’t know who she was go look her up—“You only live once but if you do it right, once is enough.”


  1. Mary, I like your spunk. You go girl!

  2. If you do it wrong, once is probably enough, too.

  3. I'm not saying whether or not Mary goes through with dancing at amateur night, but I will say there is very little she won't try.