Saturday, May 12, 2012

What I Wouldn't Give for a Decent Cup of Coffee!

by Blake MacKenzie of The Long Stitch Goodnight by Amanda Lee

Have you ever been arrested? I hope for your sake that you have not. Todd Calloway, my friend who owns the Brew Crew, and I were arrested on St. Patrick's Day for the murder of Graham Stott. Please believe me when I tell you, I didn't do it! And I'm pretty sure Todd didn't either. But he and I were the only people in the room with the dead guy, and it looks bad for us.

Todd planned a joint St. Patrick's Day party and reunion with some of our old buddies from Alpha Sigma Phi. Well, Graham Stott wasn't the most popular guy on campus, and he didn't age well like a fine wine either. I have no idea why Todd even invited him.

Graham was a rich know-it-all who'd been drinking before he even got to the party. Sober, he was obnoxious. Drunk, he was unbearable. Several of the guys--me, included--had a grudge against Graham for one thing or another. My grudge was that he'd dated my wife, Sadie, before she and I met; and he was still carrying a torch for her.

So, here Todd and I sit in a jail cell. I don't think I've ever been so miserable in my life. Not only am I facing murder charges, the coffee here is nasty! I run a coffee shop, for goodness' sake. The coffee in this place--when I get a cup--is cruel and unnecessary punishment.

Back to my original question: have you ever been arrested? I doubt you have, or that you'd tell me if you had been...but help me pass the time here. Make up a story about...I don't know...the time you stole the Mona Lisa or something.

4 comments:

  1. Nasty coffee--I didn't think about that. Sorry, I just can't make up a story about being arrested. I never have been, but it's still...shudder...too close to reality.

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  2. Oh, Blake! Would they let me bring you a thermos of my French Press coffee? I can't say I've been in jail, and I hope I never am! I feel for you, though. Do you have a good lawyer yet?

    ~ Krista

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  3. Wellllll, of course I'VE never been arrested -- but my brother -- let me tell you! 1970's drive by shooting, black male driving a Duster -- yup, my curly haired, but white brother; then there was the time the cops chased him down through the woods and the HUGE drainage/sewage pipe; oh and in New Orleans during Mardi Gras for urinating in public -- did you know that can be indecent exposure? Or the time he tried to smuggle Cuban cigars into the country -- detained by Customs -- who eventually released him and advised him to take the identifying bands off next time; his wife was arrested in Riyadh by the religion police because she hadn't covered her head in public; want more? Then there's my friend who has been arrested multiple times protesting one thing or another and uses her time in jail to preach (I don't know how to spell proselytize) to all the other women in jail? Or another way to get arrested -- get "ruffied" at a party and leave before the creep who drugged you can take advantage of you -- then total your car by driving into a telephone pole (or other object if your telephone lines are underground) and be dragged off to jail because they think you are drunk! (This happened to two people I know -- not kidding about that one.) Ooo, ooo, I know another one -- be held in contempt of court -- remember to bring your toothbrush with you in anticipation of the contempt finding. Go visit a friend in a foreign country - let's say Mexico - and bring back a brick of mole -- which is how it comes in Mexico - and have customs be suspicious... One or more of these is a true story (besides the two that start with creepy frat boys). Waking up in jail is sure to get someone thinking though....

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  4. I've never been arrested and never been in jail for being in trouble, but...my uncle was the jailer (back when they still had such things) for the county jail. This was back when the county jail was located at the top floor of the local courthouse, and my uncle and his family actually also lived up there in an apartment next to the jail. If there had ever been a jail break they probably would all have been murdered in their beds, but there never was one. So anyway, I spent a lot of time in the top floor of the courthouse visiting my cousins. For "fun", my uncle locked me and my cousin into one of the cells meant for women prisoners. I freaked.

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