Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Why I Hate the Renaissance Faire by Detective Don Almond

Why I hate the Renaissance Faire
By Detective Don Almond
Myrtle Beach Police Dept.
From Bewitching Boots
Renaissance Faire Mystery # 7
By Joyce and Jim Lavene





“Let’s finish this conversation downtown.” I put his hand on Bill the shoemaker's shoulder as we start walking. No need to be nasty about it, I figure. This man has just saved me a ton of time and paperwork by confessing to the murder of Princess Isabelle. Plus I don't have to spend any longer than necessary out here at the Renaissance Faire.


“I wish I could renounce my elf magic,” Bill says suddenly.


I stop walking, feeling my ulcer act up again. “What are you talking about?”


“I killed Isabelle with my elf magic. It was a mistake. Sometimes I make the shoes and they’re out of control. I think they’re imbued with too much magic, you see. I had to forcibly stop a man from trying to climb a lamp pole once because he was wearing my climbing boots—they were only for mountain climbing. He might have been injured or killed trying to get up that post, especially since the boots would climb anything.”


I glare at Chase Manhattan in the dim light. He's supposed to know what was going on in this nuthouse they call a theme park. “So you’re saying your magic shoes killed Isabelle Franklin?” 


“Yes.” Bill wipes away a tear. “I made them too powerful. She danced right off the terrace. If she wouldn’t have been up that high she could’ve danced until she fell down on the floor, exhausted. I didn’t reckon with when and where she’d put them on. I’m truly sorry.”


I see Jessie Morton smile. She knew all along what the shoemaker was going to confess to. As usual the joke is on me. 


“Could I have a word with you, Bailiff?” I call Chase outside the ever-growing group of residents in crazy costumes.


“That doesn’t sound like murder to me.” Merlin the magician voices his opinion. “It would be the same if I cast a spell on someone and they died.”


“Because you don’t really have any magic either,” Jessie reminds him.


“But Bill has elf magic,” Mother Goose says. “He should be somewhat responsible for that, don’t you think?”

Argh! 

I'd quit my job if I wasn't so close to retirement. This whole journey back into time thing is driving me crazy! And now all of them think they have magic too. They don't pay me enough money to deal with this stuff.

And that's why I hate the Renaissance Fair.  Huzzah, and all that crap.

HUZZAH! WIN A PRINT COPY OF BEWITCHING BOOTS BY LEAVING YOUR COMMENT HERE. CONTEST ENDS AT MIDNIGHT ON AUGUST 13th. 


"This jolly series from the husband-and-wife Lavene team serves up medieval murder and mayhem." ~ Publisher's Weekly




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64 comments:

  1. This sounds like a great book and I look foward to reading it.
    Becky Prazak
    rjprazak6@gmail.com

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by, Becky! Huzzah!

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    2. Becky Prazak - You are our winner!

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  2. Sounds great! Excited to read it.
    Dnrocker@yahoo.com

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  3. I've only been to one Renaissance Faire, in upstate NY.....was a long drive, even after getting off the highway, to the location.......
    would like to go again!!!

    cyn209 at juno dot com

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    Replies
    1. I've never had a bad time at a Ren faire or festival, Cyn! Huzzah!

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  4. I've really got to start this series. :-)

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  5. I've got to read this book to learn more about this "elf" magic.
    suefarrell.farrell@gmail.com

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    Replies
    1. Hi Sue! We were thinking about the Keebler elves when we wrote it. And someone had to make Cinderella's magic glass shoes, right?

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  6. It's time to start reading this series!

    lkleback@hotmail.com

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  7. I would love to read this book—thanks for the opportunity to win a copy!

    skkorman AT bellsouth DOT net

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  8. Oh my!


    patucker54 at aol dot com

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  9. I am enjoying reading your books. My first one was set in Duck which is about an hour away from home. Thanks

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    Replies
    1. Thanks GMCT! We love Missing Pieces too! New one this fall - A Ghost Horse Christmas.

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  10. This one is fascinating. Thanks. saubleb(at)gmail(dot)com

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  11. It'd be hard being a policeman at a faire.

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    Replies
    1. Detective Almond gets that, Sandy. Thanks for stopping by.

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  12. I love the Lavene's books! Would love to try this series!
    misstree1963@gmail.com

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  13. I attended one renaissance fair many years ago as a spectator. Participants were having all the fun! Huzzah! bobbipad@gmail.com

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  14. Looks like a great book. huzzah

    xzjh04@ gmail.com

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  15. Do you think Bill could make me some shoes for house cleaning and fill them with his elf magic? I had really rather read than do housework!

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    Replies
    1. What a good idea! I'll see what I can do, Donna!

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  16. Huzzah, indeed! I'd like to find out what actually went on.
    libbydodd at comcast dot net

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  17. I like the cover on this book.
    CABWNANA1@bellsouth.net

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Charlotte! We have a great cover artist!

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  18. Sounds like a fun series.

    Kit3247(at)aol(dot)com

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  19. I love it, that is too funny, lol. Every year I say that I'm going to make it to the Renaissance Fair and every year I seem to miss it. Some day I will get there, really I will.
    momzillasteel at gmail dot com

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  20. Love your books and the covers. I cant wait to read this one!!!
    Lisa
    hseaside5@aim.com

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  21. This looks wonderful! Can't wait
    Kim j
    Kjohnson952@yahoo.com

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  22. Sounds like another series I need to look into.

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  23. Interesting....

    ElaineE246(at)msn(dot)com

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  24. ..."medieval murder and mayhem" - you can't beat that!
    kpbarnett1941[at]aol.com

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  25. I've only been to the Maryland one, but I loved it! I'm looking forward to trying the one here in Tampa next year.

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  26. I actually think I would love to go to a Renaissance Fair.

    marypres(AT)gmail(DOT)com

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  27. I can see why he hates the faire. Looks good.

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    Replies
    1. Everyone likes different things, Virginia!

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  28. I would love to go to a Renaissance Fair. My friend use to work at fair and loved sharing her stories of all the fun she had.

    elisanabby at gmail dot com

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    Replies
    1. Our first views of a Ren Faire were behind the scenes. It's crazier there than on the cobblestones.

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  29. I have not read this series, but i want to!!!!!! I loove the renaissance festival, i go every year. And I love a great mystery, so this is perfect!!! Thanks for the contest!!!!

    abbyloveskats@yahoo.com

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  30. That was hilarious, especially the irony of the "Huzzah, and all that crap."; ahahaha... still laughing! I love characters that are crotchety or have a moment of grumpybuttness.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah. He liked it, lavendersbluegreen.

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  31. Love the Ren Faire mysteries. I took my nephew to the King Richard's Faire in Carver, MA when he was little. He had a blast shooting arrows, watching a blacksmith make a sword, riding a camel, and watching the joust at the end. His little friends thought I was the coolest auntie.
    dotkel50@comcast.net

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