Why I hate the Renaissance Faire
By Detective Don Almond
Myrtle Beach Police Dept.
From Bewitching Boots
Renaissance Faire Mystery # 7
By Joyce and Jim Lavene
“Let’s finish this conversation downtown.” I put his hand on Bill the shoemaker's shoulder as we start walking. No need to be nasty about it, I figure. This man has just saved me a ton of time and paperwork by confessing to the murder of Princess Isabelle. Plus I don't have to spend any longer than necessary out here at the Renaissance Faire.
“I wish I could renounce my elf magic,” Bill says suddenly.
I stop walking, feeling my ulcer act up again. “What are you talking
“I killed Isabelle with my elf magic. It was a mistake.
Sometimes I make the shoes and they’re out of control. I think they’re imbued
with too much magic, you see. I had to forcibly stop a man from trying to climb
a lamp pole once because he was wearing my climbing boots—they were only for
mountain climbing. He might have been injured or killed trying to get up that
post, especially since the boots would climb anything.”
I glare at Chase Manhattan in the
dim light. He's supposed to know what was going on in this nuthouse they call a theme park. “So you’re saying your magic shoes killed Isabelle Franklin?”
“Yes.” Bill wipes away a tear. “I made them too powerful. She danced right off the terrace. If she wouldn’t have been up that
high she could’ve danced until she fell down on the floor, exhausted. I didn’t reckon with
when and where she’d put them on. I’m truly sorry.”
I see Jessie Morton smile. She knew all along what the shoemaker was going to confess to. As usual the joke is on me.
“Could I have a word with you, Bailiff?” I
call Chase outside the ever-growing group of residents in crazy costumes.
“That doesn’t sound like murder to me.” Merlin the magician voices his
opinion. “It would be the same if I cast a spell on someone and they
“Because you don’t really have any magic either,” Jessie reminds him.
“But Bill has elf magic,” Mother Goose says. “He should be
somewhat responsible for that, don’t you think?”
I'd quit my job if I wasn't so close to retirement. This whole journey back into time thing is driving me crazy! And now all of them think they have magic too. They don't pay me enough money to deal with this stuff.
And that's why I hate the Renaissance Fair. Huzzah, and all that crap.
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"This jolly series from the husband-and-wife Lavene
team serves up medieval murder and mayhem." ~ Publisher's Weekly
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