from Peg Cochran's Lucille Series
Yo, Lucille here. I’ve got two things that mean a lot to me—my family and my faith. The family’s been through a lot, but somehow we always get by. I wanted to share some of my favorite patron saints with you—I find that praying to them helps because it takes my mind off of things—like the fact that the police are sniffing around asking questions about a murder.
10. Saint Aldegundis, patron saint against sudden death. Because my brother-in-law's body suddenly dropped out of the confessional at church, and I’m pretty sure he's dead.
9. St. John Nepomucene, patron saint against indiscretions. Because it's highly unlikely that the family can be persuaded to keep their mouths shut.
8. Saint Marguerite Bourgeous, patron saint against impoverishment. Because my mother's QVC addiction is sure to send us to the poor house.
7. St. Catherine of Siena, patron saint against temptation. Because Detective Richie Sambucco is hot even if my Frankie is hotter.
6. St. Catherine of Alexandria, patron saint of unmarried girls. Because Bernadette is pregnant and not married.
5. St. Catherine of Sweden, patron saint against miscarriages. Because I can't decide if I want St. Catherine to protect Bernadette from a miscarriage…or arrange for one.
4. St. Margaret of Antioch, patron saint of falsely accused people. Because the police are saying my Frankie did it, and I know that isn't true.
3. St. John of God, patron saint of heart patients. Because being held at gun point by a murderer is certainly going to give me a heart attack.
2. Beatrice da Silva Meneses, patron saint of prisoners. Because someone is going to jail—that's for sure.
And my number one favorite patron saint:
1. St. Jude, patron saint of lost causes. Because Bernadette is pregnant and unmarried, her boyfriend is in jail, my husband might be playing around, my best friend could be a murderer, and I’ve gained ten pounds thanks to my latest diet.