Tuesday, February 24, 2015

The Trouble With Kittens

by Spunky, the mighty Yorkshire terrier, protector of The Gingerbread House.
From THE COOKIE CUTTER SHOP MYSTERIES, by Virginia Lowell.
You can visit me and my humans in Cookies and Scream, our latest sleuthing adventure.

The problem with kittens is they grow up to be cats. Really, I’ve seen it happen.

Cats, as you probably know, are unpredictable creatures with nasty claws that never seem to get clipped like mine do. Cats can jump on you from way up high, and they never have to wear leashes. Also, they hiss. Hissing really isn’t attractive, especially compared to a good, strong bark.

Plus, cats are usually bigger than I am. I weigh five pounds. I’m all muscle, of course, but still…

I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve brought up the unpleasant subject of cats? Because my human, Livie, and her friend, Maddie—who also belongs to me, of course—have decided to get a kitten for Maddie’s Aunt Sadie. Aunt Sadie has the warmest, softest lap, and it belongs to me. Livie and Maddie already have the feline creature picked out, so there isn’t much time to stop this fiasco.

I need to convince Livie and Maddie that a kitten is a bad idea. They should get a puppy instead. I prefer a Labrador puppy because my best friend, who moved away, was a huge black Lab. His name was Buddy. We used to have so much fun together. He would escape from his owner, Chatterley Heights’ former deputy sheriff, and get into all kinds of interesting… but never mind all that.

I’ll admit, Labs do get pretty big, but it’s okay when dogs grow big. Dogs protect their humans. My human is always getting herself into trouble, and I have to rescue her. Aunt Sadie is in a wheelchair. What if she falls and needs help? What’s a cat going to do, bring her a mouse?

I miss Buddy a lot. He was really fun and a loyal friend. If Aunt Sadie got a puppy, I could give her pointers on how to raise it. And I’d have a playmate again. As far as I can tell, cats just sit around all day cleaning themselves.

But nobody listens to me, no matter how hard I yap. I am doomed. I’ll never again get to cuddle on Aunt Sadie’s warm, soft lap. Don’t get me wrong, I love my human, Livie. She takes me on walks and feeds me and gives me treats. She gave me my own special chair on the sales floor of The Gingerbread House. But I want a dog friend and Aunt Sadie, too.

I don’t suppose you’d be willing to visit Chatterley Heights and adopt that kitten, would you? Otherwise, what am I to do?

SUBMITTED BY VIRGINIA LOWELL

Virginia Lowell is the author of COOKIE DOUGH OR DIE, A COOKIE BEFORE DYING, WHEN THE COOKIE CRUMBLES, ONE DEAD COOKIE, and COOKIES AND SCREAM. Visit Virginia at: www.virginialowell.com

10 comments:

  1. Kittens can be sweet too. You may find room on Aunt Sadie's lap for both of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know, I've heard they have really sharp claws. But I suppose I could try... if there's no other choice.
      Spunky

      Delete
  2. Woof! A clever dog can train a kitten. I trained two at once! Teach him early on that he has to play nicely with you, share Aunt Sadie's lap, and that he should never be too rough with you. And cats are such finicky eaters that they almost never steal our treats or food. But you might like to help yourself to his yummy dinners when no one's looking...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yap! Thanks for the info. I like the part about sampling his dinners!
      Spunky

      Delete
  3. What a cute post. I want to meet Spunky!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You sound nice. Do you have a soft, cozy lap?
      Spunky

      Delete
  4. My sister has a cat that plays like a dog. I bet you can train the kitten to play with you. You will have lots of fun! And it will be small enough that you both can share Aunt Sadie's lap.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Couldn't I just send it off to kitty bootcamp? For a really long time? Just a thought.
      Spunky

      Delete
  5. If you were to do to that kitten (should the worst thing imaginable come to pass) what our dogs try to do to our cats, you'll be labelled as the villain. Kittens are sneaky that way. This is truly a case of 'an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure'.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dont worry! I'm Mishkà, à nice spitz girl, alone among 12 cats and 1 rabbit. I'm the chief! Even my human is Well trained!

    ReplyDelete