Friday, April 24, 2015

What This Town Needs is Culture

by Lenora Bouchenbein, temporarily retired actress, from THE COOKIE CUTTER SHOP MYSTERIES, by Virginia Lowell.

I’m sure we can all agree there is nothing more soul-stirring, more essential for the ultimate survival of civilization, than The Theater. Of course, you and I have the benefit of worldly experience, which is more than I can say for most of the inhabitants of Chatterley Heights. I consider it my duty to bring culture and enlightenment to my quaint and tiny hometown.

In case we haven’t met, I am Lenora Bouchenbein, though you probably know me as Lenora Dove, Hollywood star. As you may recall, I won acclaim for my lingering death scenes on several well-known daytime television shows. But that is now in the past. Following the death of my dear husband, the famed director Bernie Bouchenbein, I moved back to my childhood home to live with my nephew and his wife and baby.

Oh, I do so miss the thrill of Hollywood. We led such an exciting life, Bernie and I. We threw lavish parties, attended by the most fascinating people. And I was the toast of the horror film world!

I’m afraid Chatterley Heights is terribly provincial. Perhaps that sounds harsh, but really, this town could be the Hollywood of the East, if only people would listen to me. Because of our two local sleuths, Olivia Greyson and Maddie Briggs, I’ve had the most delicious idea. You see, Olivia’s mother, Ellie, wants to open an arts and crafts school, by which she means… well, you know, knitting and so forth. I’ve been trying to make Ellie understand that an Arts school—by Arts I mean the Theater, naturally—would draw far more visitors to town. Don’t you agree?

How I long to perform again! And I’m certain I could write the plays myself—that’s the easy part, isn’t it? Perhaps I’ll base my plays on the rather alarming number of murders we’ve experienced here in Chatterley Heights. I, naturally, would play the elegant female sleuth.

To make my dream come true, I need just one teensy favor from you. If you have a moment, would you leave a note for my author, Virginia, urging her to give me a meatier role in her next mystery? You see, actual sleuthing experience would be so helpful when I’m teach the acting classes at my… I mean Ellie’s… new school. I wouldn’t need to tackle the killer or anything. But perhaps I might provide the brilliant insight that reveals the killer’s identity? That would be such fun.

There, that’s all settled. Now I believe I’ll begin jotting down a few of my ideas. I should be able to complete a script in a day or two.

Thanks for your help, and do come for opening night!

The sixth book in the COOKIE CUTTER SHOP series, DEAD MEN DON’T EAT COOKIES, will be released on July 7! Meanwhile, visit Virginia Lowell at www.virginialowell.com 

9 comments:

  1. Playing the part of the female sleuth sounds like the perfect role for you. I think all towns should support the arts, and I bet there are many thespians just wanting to be discovered. Break a leg!

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    1. Thank you, my dear. You must come to Chatterley Heights and try out for a part!
      Lenora

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  2. Lenora, we are soul mates! With a new baby, your nephew and his wife probably don't have time for the finer things in life, like home decor. You must visit my store, Country Chic, in Threadville for a few little items that will freshen their home! And while you're here, you can give me advice on becoming a Hollywood star!

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    1. How lovely! If I do say so myself, I can spot talent! You must visit me in Chatterley Heights, and we will discuss how I, myself became a Hollywood star. That might give you a few pointers!
      Lenora

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  3. I love the idea, and I'll volunteer to work backstage. In high school I was part of the light and sound crew. There was no way you were going to get me in front of an audience to humpher and phumpher and run screaming off the stage to hide in the music room. Nuh uhhhhhh not gonna happen.

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    1. Now, now, we must work on that shyness of yours. I assure you, once you have experienced that spotlight, you will never look back. However, joining the light and sound crew is a worthy goal, as well. The theater offers so much to so many, does it not?
      Lenora

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  4. I really need to get on this series. It sounds like I'm missing out on some good stuff!

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    1. Oh, I do hope you visit Chatterley Heights! We certainly seem to have more than our share of murders here, but Olivia and Maddie do their best to handle that troublesome problem. I could give them some guidance, if only they would ask. After all, I did once play a brilliant--and of course, quite lovely--female private investigator in a daytime television drama. Perhaps you saw it?
      Lenora

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  5. I'm reading this one right now. The first one was great as is this one.

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