Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Got Any Candy In That Purse?

By Rene of Tracy Weber's Downward Dog Mystery Series

Hey there!
 
Rene here of A Fatal Twist.  My best friend Kate (a yoga teacher who seems to make a habit of stumbling over murdered bodies) asked me to chat with you until she arrives today, but honestly, how can I concentrate with the same words pounding through my head over, and over, and over again.

I’m hungry, hungry, hungry!  

I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve always had a healthy appetite, but this time, it isn’t all my fault.  It’s the two lovely parasites incubating inside my body.  My husband Sam hates when I call the girls parasites, but the name fits.   In the first trimester of my pregnancy, they stole my beauty.  Now they’re eating all of my food! Besides, Sam and I haven’t settled on anything better yet.  The word “parasite” isn’t that much worse than calling them Twin A and Twin B, is it?

If you’ve never been pregnant before, let me assure you, it isn’t easy, especially when you have pre-term complications.  I’ve been SO BORED on bed rest.  Two months stuck at home with Sam hovering over me and acting as the food police. If he force feeds me one more green smoothie, I swear I’ll die of good nutrition!

Luckily for me, I have Kate on my side. Kate’s going to be the doula (labor support person) at my
birth.  I've been teasing her that being my birth doula is like being my maid of honor.  Her goal is to simultaneously keep Sam busy and me happy. Her first task is sneaking in candy.  Next up is taking me to tour the birthing facility. As soon as we finish the tour, she insists on helping Sam and me create our birth plan.  
 
Plan, shmam.  As much trouble as we’ve had keeping these kiddos inside me, they’ll probably drop out half way across the parking lot.  Which is precisely where I want to have the epidural.  I plan to be good and numb before I ever hit that hospital bed.  Hey, do you think they have a drive-through option?   I think I’ll embarrass Kate by asking that at the birthing center.  

I seriously can’t wait for the birthing center tour.  It will be the first time I’ve gotten out of the house except for doctor’s appointments in two months.  I hear they’re going to have a catered reception.  I hope they have cake.  Lots of it. Sam can’t object to my eating hospital junk food, can he? 

Oh good lord, Twin A is kicking my bladder again.  Sorry, but I need to heave my swollen body off of this couch and head to the bathroom before Twin B joins the party.  If you see Kate, tell her to hurry over here with that candy bar. In fact, tell her to bring two.  I’m eating for three, you know. 

Tracy Weber’s author page


Catch up on all four of the Downward Dog Mysteries.  Available at booksellers everywhere!

9 comments:

  1. Kate is a great friend and doula to have -- I bet she'll sneak you some cake!

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    1. Of course she will. Resistance is futile. ;-)

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  2. I can remember when I was pregnant with my kids, and at times the kicking was so big people across the room could see the imprint of a foot.

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  3. Yikes! A future soccer player!

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  4. <3 i love Rene! glad she has a book of her own, well mostly!
    can't wait to "meet" the twins!

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    1. Don't all books revolve around Rene? ;-)

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  5. Yikes! Maybe Kate can bring you a minty milkshake, and you can convince Sam you're drinking a green smoothie! ;-)

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  6. This series sounds like so much fun! The titles already have me hooked!

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