Saturday, May 28, 2011
Vicky Hill Exclusive
Submitted by Vicky Hill, Gipping Gazette obituary writer extraordinaire and reporter to the stars.
Yes, yes, I know I’ve not appeared on Killer Characters for a very long time. I’ve been busy working and solving the odd murder or two in the not-so-sleepy town of Gipping-on-Plym in Devon, England.
Just to bring you folks up to date. I’m thrilled to announce that the Gipping Gazette has finally moved into the 21st century. As well as being chief funeral reporter (and yes, I still stand at the church door to record the names of the mourners) and chief tea girl (my nemesis Annabel Lake flatly refuses to venture down into the basement kitchen), I’ve finally been given my own weekly column called “A Day in the Life.” Hurrah!
Basically, I interview local celebrities or “persons of interest.” I’m not talking about “persons of interest” as in suspicious persons who might be of interest to law enforcement (although I definitely know a few of those, Dad being one) —no, I mean folks like Ronnie Binns, our local dustman. Believe me, spending “A Day in the Life” with Ronnie was definitely interesting. Not only did I learn all about the government’s new recycling rules, I discovered that there is no way to wash out the smell of boiled cabbages—a hazard of sitting next to the pungent Ronnie in his dustcart cab for 12 long hours.
Next came Dave Randall, our aspiring Olympic hedge jumping hottie. I’d be lying if I didn’t hope that a basket of scampi and chips might have followed our day out together, but it soon became clear that Dave was far more interested in jumping blackthorn hedges than jumping me. Speaking of which … I declined to do “A Day in the Life” with our British Farmer Calendar photographer however, with hindsight I think I was simply nervous about seeing all that manly flesh so I have decided to attend the photo-shoot for 2012. Watch this space! (Ladies, please email me if you’d like to order your calendar early. They make fabulous stocking stuffers.)
But now … we’ve got a real celebrity. Ta-Dah! The amazing international Morris Dancing champion, Phil Burrows has deigned to come to Gipping-on-Plym to compete in the annual Morris Dance-a-thon this coming Saturday at The Grange! Not only does Phil’s agent live in Los Angeles, Phil actually claims to be a close friend of David Hasselhoff!! However, I predict trouble on the horizon.
Just three days ago a band of gypsies suddenly descended on The Grange and set up an illegal camp in the exact spot where the Morris Dance-a-thon will take place. Needless to say our celebrity contestant Phil Burrows is not happy.
It’s been quite a while since murder has featured on the front page, but something tells me that is all about to change.
What do you think we should do? Persuade the gypsies to camp elsewhere (although they swear they were given permission by the landowner) or suggest they join in the fun?
GIVEAWAY CONTEST: Submit your comment for a chance to find out what really happened and win a copy of Thieves! the fourth Vicky Hill adventure, together with “Proper Job” the latest CD by Devon’s own Dartington Morris Men.
You can find out more about Hannah at her website.