Sunday, October 16, 2011

Iced Chiffon
Duffy Brown
Berkley Prime Crime
October, 2012

Hi, all!
Pastor Virgil Franklin here and even though it’s hot as the gates of Hades here in Savannah I’m all atwitter!

It’s Friday and I’m getting ready for my big Family Values rally tonight here in Savannah. Nothing more important than family values, is there...unless you’re talking about my new deacon, Sissy Collins. Lord have mercy, now there’s something to sing alleluia about!

Sissy is part of my church family. Not exactly the same as Birdie and the five little Franklins waiting for me at home, but I can still think of Sissy as family, right? Especially when I meet up with her at the Marshall House hotel or the Hampton Inn. Lordy, she is a mighty fine member of the family, indeed. She makes me sweat and have a lot of other family-like reactions like kissing and hugging and snuggling. Those are all good family things.

‘Couse there are a few other things not quite so family like but we’ll just not talk about those. And if my congregation finds out that Sissy and I are doing the horizontal hula, my ass is grass. I’ll lose my church and Birdie will kick me to the curb like a piece of roadkill.

The problem is someone knows about Sissy and me. How do I handle this? I’m pretty good at weddings...and mighty good at funerals. Maybe I need to arrange one of those. I bet I could figure out a way to make this person...disappear. Sissy and I need our privacy.

Tell me what to do and if I use your suggestion I'll send you

a Hot and Bothered t-shirt. Sissy left it at the hotel last night.

See you at the rally tonight. It'll be one of my best rallies ever...with little Sissy right there at my side.


  1. You have colleagues, too numerous to count, to whom you can turn for advice based on experience. Evidently there clinics you can check into. Maybe you should check them out, rather than Sister Sissy.

  2. Oh, but checking Sissy out is so much more fun!

  3. But if you make that person who knows disappear, are you going to have to make Birdie and your children disappear after that? Eventually Sissy may get needy and demand to be your only focus. And just think of all the sympathy you'd get from the congregation, a poor widowed pastor who lost all his children too. (Yes, I am being sarcastic). If you're going to make anyone disappear, it should probably be Sissy!
    However, now that the moral lesson is out of the way, it's a pretty well known fact that overdoses of common medications are easy to administer and usually go down as accidents...

  4. I'd let them know you were performing and exorcism on her! Don't need the t-shirt...already have one! hahaha


  5. Shel honey why don't you go sit over there with the mourning sisters. :)
    Virgil is going to make a life with me and our new family, even if he has to bury them underneath a bunch of clothes in a womens fitting room. Yeah they may suffocate but no one can hear the screams since they are muffled.

    Sissy Collins

  6. You all are too funny! Thanks for chatting. Any of you wanting a t-shirt email me at with your snail addy.
    Have a great weekend.

  7. ROFL!! Sissy, darlin'...I don't think you quite thought that suggestion through, did you? The women's fitting room idea is completely impractical, there aren't enough clothes in one to muffle anyone's screams unless you doped them first and then they won't be screaming, now will they?

    Duffy, I emailed you :)