Monday, October 31, 2011

Mama's Horrifying Halloween

Written by ''Mama,'' from Mama Sees Stars, the latest book in the funny, Southern-fried Mace Bauer Mystery series by Deborah Sharp You can read an excerpt here.

Well, y'all, I see that snippy author managed to shove her name right up there at the top of this post. Wasn't this supposed to be my chance to have my say without any butting in by Ms. Smarty Pants? Believe me, it wouldn't be the first time she's tried to step in and put words in my mouth! Isn't the name of this nice blog that invited me here today ''Killer Characters,'' and not ''Killer Authors?'' Lets just hope she stays offstage, where she belongs.

I'm best known as Mama. That's me in the titles of all four of Ms. Snip's mysteries: Mama Does Time; Mama Rides Shotgun; Mama Gets Hitched; and the new one, Mama Sees Stars. I guess I should introduce myself formally, though. I'm Rosalee Stinson Bauer Cummings Burton Deveraux Provenza, and I'm very pleased to meet you.

That string of names is a mouthful, isn't it? I'm the first to admit my path to wedded bliss has hit a few potholes. I still don't think that's any call for the Halloween costume my middle daughter Mace came up with this year. She dressed herself like a big box of Cheerios, stuck a bridal veil on her head, and told everybody she was going as me. A ''Serial'' Bride. Get it?

I tell you, that outfit about ruined my weekend. I don't think it's humorous to make fun of someone else's marital missteps, do you? Besides, I'm happy to say my latest husband, ''Big Sal'' Provenza, looks to be a keeper. I guess the fifth time really IS the charm when it comes to tying the sacred knot of matrimony. We all just love Sal, and we've almost forgiven the fact he hails from the Bronx, which definitely sits on the wrong side of the Mason-Dixon Line.

I hope your Halloween weekend was better than mine. I already told you about Mace's costume. Then Maddie, the oldest of my three grown girls, ate all the chocolate candy from my trick or treat bag. I told her gobbling down all that candy was going to make her fatter than a fixed dog. That's when the youngest, Marty, pinched me in the arm for being mean. That bruise showed up clear as day when I wore my off-the-shoulder, sherbet-colored harem girl costume, which I was not happy about.

Well, looks like that's the news from my hometown of Himmarshee, Fla., the Gateway to Palatka. If you come to visit, stop by and see me at Hair Today, Dyed Tomorrow beauty parlor. We're just past the flashing light on Main Street, not too far from Home on the Range Feed Store & Clothing Emporium. You can't miss us. The salon owner painted the building in her favorite color, Mardi Gras Purple.

So what's your favorite part about Halloween? Any spooky stories? How about memorable -- or racy -- costumes to report? Surely you've got something better than the ''Cereal Bride?''


  1. It's not polite to laugh at the misfortunes of others, so that sound you hear is not me snickering.

  2. Rosalee, I just love your family and reading all about your adventures. They just need to show you a bit more respect, but they mean well. Actually, I think the cereal bride/serial bride costume is pretty clever. Don't be mad.

  3. Ha! I hear that snickering, Janet ... and I raise you a chuckle!
    Nancy: Doesn't EVERYBODY need a little more respect? And, I could never be mad at you!
    Thanks for reading, y'all ... and thanks to Ms. Heather Webber and the kind folks at Killer Characters for inviting me ... er, Mama ... today.

  4. I made this really lame costume one year; I dressed up as 'Autumn'. Yawn. I'm just not much of a costume person, I guess! I've done a gypsy more times than I can count.

  5. I've gotta go with the candy as my favorite part of Halloween. And I just found this blog, so this is a great part of THIS Halloween.

  6. Mama, I think Mace just wanted to honor you and it really is a perfect costume.

  7. Hey there Mama. You are one of my all time favorite characters so thanks for sharing today. Mace and I would have been a foodies delight. She in her "cereal" bride costume and me in my Hot Dog outfit. Not all that sexy unless someone likes foxtrotting with a frankfurter. Thanks for the fun post.

  8. Cindy: Foxtrotting w/ a frankfurter. I love it!
    Dru: " Honor". Right!
    Victoria: yes, I've been a gypsy too--- too many times! Tho' I think Autumn is clever.
    Jamie Lee: thanks for stopping by.
    Trick or treat?

  9. Love having Mama around--she's always welcome! One of my more memorable costumes was in high school. My best friend (6'1") and I (5'2") dressed up as the Jolly Green Giant and Little Sprout. Love a costume where I can wear a green sweatsuit and leaves and it be a rousing success.

  10. Mama, you are one funny lady! this definitely should be called Killer Authors, not killer characters. Don't we have enough problems?

    And by the way, I'm drooling with envy over your gorgeous, gorgeous book covers!

    Love, Hayley Snow

  11. Heather: I'm picturing you dressed up as Lil' Sprout and I'm laughing! Thanks for having me here. Love ya ....
    "Hayley": thanks for the kind words about the book covers. Midnight Ink's art department KILLS. But your author, Lucy, must be doing something right. The cover on ''Appetite for Murder'' looks scrumptiously Key West.